So, I finally got over being sick- it was more then a week long!!! I've just been taking it easy since then... well, actually since I got married... haha I haven't been sleeping well though- weird dreams! and then sometimes Gus can't sleep and stays up on the computer or ipod and that plays into my dreams... He is rather cute though when he does sleeps... I just want to hug and squeeze him! He doesn't know how much self control I had to exercise to just give him a light kiss instead! <3
This weekend one of my best friends moved to Idaho and left me... I hope she finds happiness and everything she wants there; she deserves it!
On the upside- we had General Conference this weekend and it was so good to hear the Prophets and Apostles speak and feel the Love of My Heavenly Father and older brother, Jesus Christ. I truly am sooo blessed. I have so much to be thankful for. I know I complain too much- I always see the negative in life, but I really do have a wonderful life with my Best Friend. He is so loving and always encouraging me. I really want to be a better person. I need to have more goals in life and be working towards them. I feel like I am stagnant right now- if not moving backwards in life. I feel like there is no purpose in my life and I know that I am not doing the things that would make my life better, but I just can't seem to make myself do the things I want to do. I feel like I am waisting so much time. I need help, but I don't know where to turn for help. Well, kind of. I know I need to turn to the Lord- read my scriptures, no I need to study my scriptures, pray more sincerely, serve more, etc, but I just have a hard time doing it, even while knowing that it will make me feel better- it is a cycle and when I do it, I will feel better, allowing me to be better and continue doing it, but how do I start?. I just wish I knew what my problem was. I want to be better, why can't I make myself do the things that will make me better? Instead I just get depressed that I'm not better and no one seems to understand. They just tell me to be better then if that is what I want. Luckily I have my best friend to hold me when the world seems to be turning upside down. I see what is out in the world and I know how blessed I am- I truly am! I have a roof over my head- albeit that it is my grandma's roof- but isn't that just another blessing? Because of Gus being here in the US on a student visa, he can't work a full time job- only on campus 20 hours a week- and I don't have a job, so we are fairly poor and can't afford an apartment. So, my grandma very graciously is letting us live with her- for free and also letting us use all her stuff- including food! We don't need to worry where our next meal will come from. Wow, what a blessing! I have a wonderful family who loves me more than anything and wants me to be my best! Gus and I have everything we need and even some things that we just want- and may consider a need... ;) Now if only we could figure out how to pay for Gus's schooling... he doesn't qualify for student grants or loans because he isn't a US citizen and we don't make enough to get a loan with out a co-signer... but so far, we are getting by with help from the Lord. (and no- being married to a US citizen doesn't make a difference until his visa status is changed.) I know that this help is at least partially because we have been paying our tithing- what a great blessing this commandment is! That was another thing addressed in conference - how the commandments are not restrictions to stop you, but protection to help you. It really is true! Now the sad part here- realizing how blessed I am, only makes me more sad that I am not happier since I am truly so blessed. What do I do? I don't know what to do.Well, sorry for my rambling, I hope it at least made some sense. I know things will work out- somehow sometime. God loves me and will not leave me!
So, since Gus was sick, I thought it would be fun to get sick too... haha Last Friday I started having pains in my left side and then I got the chills and couldn't get warm. I had three blankets on me and was cuddling up to Gus to use his body heat. The shivering didn't help the pain in my side... Then on Saturday I threw-up twice. Sunday I was feeling a little better and then we went to Gus's sisters to celebrate her birthday. I was a little tired, but I thought I was doing better. Then on Monday, I felt worse again! Tuesday I was feeling a little bit better and I did all our laundry and changed the sheets and cleaned up the bathroom a little- then Wednesday morning came... and my stomach hurt so bad. I threw-up four times and finally called the dr. They gave me a shot to stop throwing-up but said that I probably just had a virus and there wasn't anything they could do, except let it run its course... This sickness is so weird though- I've never had anything like it. Any other time I've thrown-up, it has just been that one day, or maybe two- never two nonconsecutive days though... and I have also had pain in my left abdomen by my hip- all my pain has been on the left side. I'm thinking that I might have an ovarian cyst. The dr. said that was possible, but since I was already on birth control, there wasn't much they could do... oh fun... Well, here it is Friday again and I am still not feeling that good. I wish I knew what was wrong with me... Going to the doctors again really isn't an option, seeing as how we don't have insurance and we had to pay up front- $125- and basically for nothing! Luckily, I have the best husband in the world who takes care of me! and doesn't complain when I accidentally drool on him in my sleep- I also had a sore throat and a little bit of a stuffy nose, but that went away after Saturday. Oh, sickness... Well, I guess there isn't much I can do about things then... Just keep trying my best!
So, yesterday I got my hair cut and then colored for the first time! I was tired of my hair, so I decided that I needed something different. Gus was really supportive and told me to just go ahead and do it, even though I told him we shouldn't spend the money on things that this. I didn't get my hair cut too short, but I did get about 2 in. taken off. My friend/hairdresser Kara, bleached my hair more blond and added caramel coloring. It is still weird looking in the mirror and seeing my hair a different color. I haven't yet really played around with my hair, still going on the style that she did on my hair yesterday, so I still am not sure what I think. I have always wanted my hair more of a strawberry blond color instead of a dishwater blond. I hope I like it- I think I will though, it will just take a little getting use to!
My poor husband is sick! :( He has a cold. I wish I could help him better. He's still so cute though. It was cute listening to him snore last night but I felt bad that he wasn't breathing better. Now I'm just waiting, seeing how long it will take me to get sick... I hate being sick! Not that is would matter much though since I'm not doing anything much right now- I still don't know what to do with my life... I really need to get things figured out- and soon! On the plus side though- tonight is date night! We don't do much- just dinner and a movie, but I love getting out with my husband. I love being with him soo much! I just hope that he is feeling well enough. He is so good to me, even when he isn't feel very good. How did I get so lucky??
Well, not much has changed since last time I posted. I'm still trying to decided what I'm going to do with my life. It will all come together eventually I'm sure. Yesterday was Labor day and Gus and I went to his sister's house and had a picnic/barbecue that was a lot of fun. I got to play with my niece Emma- who is the cutest thing in the world. She is growing so big. On the 17th she will be 8 months old! Today I get to watch her for a few hours while her parents are busy; so that should be fun. Yesterday Gus and I also went to my Uncle Roger's house for his step-daughter's birthday and that was fun being with family. I also got to play with my cousin Lorina, who is somewhere around 17 months old. She has the cutest little curls and is so adorable. I am getting so excited to have my own children with Gus one day. Gus will be such a good daddy. He is so wonderful! I really do have the best husband in the world!!!
Ok, new day, new post. So, I just wanted to make sure that my darling husband knows that I love him, even though he says he doesn't have time to look at my blog- yet still finds time to check facebook while he was suppose to be doing his hmwk last night... I also want to mention how much I love my Mother. She is the best and I hope one day to be more like her. I really do have the best family in the world. I also didn't make it to school today- I feel bad about it, but I really don't want to go and so it is hard to come up with the motivation to go. I have been looking at going to a technical school where I would do more hands on things and feel like I was doing some good in the world. I am looking at either doing a CNA course -again- or a medical assistant or maybe even a message therapist. I really don't know. I am a little worried too that I will regret not finishing the schooling I am taking now, but it will be at least a year and a half to finish and I don't want to take the classes I have to to graduate. I feel stupid at school- and this shouldn't be how I feel. I dread going to school when I wake up in the mornings... What is wrong with me? I also wish that my husband could be going to school for real and not just taking English classes that get us nowhere. Unfortunately though, we don't have the money to do that because it costs like $6000 for him because he is an international student... What would happen if we go back to Brazil? Gus thinks that we won't be able to get back to the US very easy if we do that though... I would miss my family a lot! Although, I do love my in-laws; they are great people. Oh life... how I love thee...
So, I've been told that I should start a blog... I'm not sure that I have that much to say, but I thought I would try it out. Whats new with me... Lets see, yesterday was my one month anniversary with my wonderful husband Gustavo. He was so thoughtful and bought me a card and some chocolate! School has also recently started- I'm not sure how that is going to go... School is sooo stressful for me. I need to find a passion. There are so many things I am interested in, but there isn't one specific thing that I am extremely passionate about. I love my husband more than anything in this world and I want to make him happy. I also am interested in Health Care- I want to go into the medical field and help people, but I don't know what to do and it is really hard because school is such a stressful thing in my life. It is also hard to decided because I really want to be a stay at home mom when we start having children... Life... I hope I can figure it out soon. Any suggestions would be really helpful!
